MY FRIENDSHIP IS MAKING YOU FATLet's emphasize this part:
"People come to think that it is OK to be bigger since those around them are bigger, and this sensibility spreads."
Listen up, everyone: IT IS NOT OKAY TO BE YOURSELF. Change yourself. Buy my pills, my books, my work-out videos. Buy clothes that are too small in the hopes that you'll fit into them someday. Hate yourself and spend money and work hard so you can spend more money and hope that you'll hate yourself less. And if you work hard and eat right and exercise and you can't lose weight, then you are a failure. You think it's okay because other people look like you and they work hard and exercise and eat right, too, but it's not okay.
I have more to say about it, but I'll cop out and quote goodbadgirl, who sums it up so nicely.
Darlings,
It has come to my attention through highly unbiased SCIENTIFIC reporting
that fat is as contagious as cooties! Gasp! Thin people, who are always
tremendous models of restraint, health and moderation are at great risk for
catching the chubs from me and my kind, who have never exercised and in fact
barely move except to roll off the couch and crawl toward the box of Ho-Hos in
the kitchen.
Despite the fact that as far as I know all of my thin and fat friends alike
possess free will, and despite the fact that I have never held a gun to anyone's
head and whispered in a most evil manner: eat this f***ing macaroni and
cheese or I will blow your head off, bitch the risk is far too great!
So goodbye mr_heathen! Goodbye jactitation and brownstargirl! Fare thee
well beloved chitnous and rednfiery. I know we have shared countless meals and
snacks together and we have all remained the same size but it matters not! So
what if we are caring friends who get along and can strip down naked and take a
hot tub together without so much as a passing thought? I simply can not stand
the thought that I could infect you with um.....myself. Good bye all my thin
friends, good bye!!!
Ah hell... I might as well say farewell to my medium sized friends too, are
you not even at greater risk?
If you care to write to me (although I wouldn't, we're not yet certain how
this fatness actually spreads from me to you, it could be carried in the mail,
words have been known to create disasters before,) I can be reached at the new
Homeland Security Camp for Chubs at McDonald's Apartment Complex, Apartment #
Fritos.
It was so nice knowing you. Thank you for putting your lives at risk just
by associating with me.
xo,
GBG
PS - For all of you parents: According to an uptight looking woman on Good
Morning America this morning you can't actually force your children to cut ties
with these people ("These People" being fat children.) But you need to teach
your children to Just Say No to them the way you would teach them to say no to
drugs and smoking. Which is cool because if anyone deserves to have a rougher
childhood it's certainly fat kids.
-- source
On a more serious note, why isn't this theory applied to all sorts of different things? Why hasn't anyone researched whether or not having friends and family who smoke make you more likely to smoke? Or if you're more likely to be gay by being around gay people?
"People come to think that it is OK to be gay since those around them are gay, and this sensibility spreads."
"People come to think that it is OK to smoke since those around them are smokers, and this sensibility spreads."
"People come to think that it is OK to be tall since those around them are tall, and this sensibility spreads."
